Things I've discovered about myself...

1. I tend to waste my free time
2. I get annoyed too easily
3. I think I'm different, but I'm mostly the same
4. I'm not addicted to caffeine, but I sure do like it
5. I have an over-active imagination
6. I have no patience for crappy computers
7. I like winning
8. I don't like losing
9. I am redundant
10. How I see myself V. How the world sees me=very different
11. I cannot think of what I want to post on this blog-thingy

Today is...the 4th of July! I'm hanging out at home with my mom and grandma probably to work, watch old home movies and eat pie. Sa-weet. I was invited to a something but no frigging way would I choose to spend my time with people that I see every week and have to think about everyday. Yeah, I really want to spend my holiday being harrassed and stalked, sounds like my kind of fun. Well, actually, it does. But only when I'm doing the stalking. j/k. I should examine myself to find what makes me so attractive to freaky weird people. It's like some kind of scent I give off or a gene or something. Whatever it is, I want to find it and extract it. Then I could distill it and use it on my worst enemies. I don't have any worst enemies at the moment, but I'm sure I could procure some.
I wish I had someone to share everything with. I suppose I do, but I mean some human person. I've given up best friends because all they do is betray your confidences and trust. I finished with best friends in like 11th grade. Everyone is so fake and only concerned with themselves. I always put myself out there for my friends and tried to work with their schedules etc., while they did whatever they wanted to do. If I'm being honest with myself, I want a guy-friend to share things with. When I had Craig, that was special. Even though we weren't dating it was great to have a guy to go places with and get opinions from. For the longest time I had a huge crush on him though. That was kind of painful. Especially when I had to watch one of my other friends rip his heart out. Poor, oblivious, sweet, simple Craig.'
He just never opens up to anybody, I haven't even seen him in months. I miss him so much. I wonder what goes on inside his mind. What are his feelings? His passions? His desires? What are his deepest, darkest secrets? I wish I had some kind of superpower that would enable me to see these things. What a curse that would be, right? I've always wanted to know people's secrets. Like when I'm talking to someone, I find myself kind of wandering off/daydreaming about what they're REALLY thinking about at the moment. I don't know, maybe they're actually thinking about the conversation at hand. I doubt it. My mind is just everywhere. As you can probably see from my wandering blog.
I want to go out. I have so many ideas for a good time right now. I want to go down to Ruston Way and sit on the beach path until darkness falls. It would be cold, but so beautiful. I want to go to the movies and watch something totally inane and then go to a coffeehouse to discuss how stupid it was. And as the night goes on and the caffeine starts taking effect, to find hidden meanings and geniuses within the film. To be in some dark, isolated place and really LISTEN to some awesome music, maybe even to dance to it. That would be so frigging great. I get so into music and I have no outlet for it, except dancing in my room by myself which is fun sometimes. So many other ideas, stored inside for some future use. Hopefully the near future.
Seriously, people piss me off. And I shall sign off with that look at my insides....
Listening to Queen right now:
"Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance
None of the heartache
Another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I'm learning I'm learning
I must be older now
I'll soon be turning turning, turning
'Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking

But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free."

"If I have no love, no passion, no music, no poetry, my soul is an empty chasm without warmth or light"

>Dr.P<